dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
