I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
