I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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