So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
