I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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