Porn is love you can see.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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