I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
