I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
