Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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