He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
