why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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