It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
