Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
