Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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