Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
