Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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