I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
