Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
