I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize