I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
