We tried having a conversation with our noses.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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