I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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