I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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