My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
