So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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