I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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