I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
