my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
