He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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