yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
