Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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