You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
