im six kinds of drunk right now
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
