I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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