im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just invented taco cereal.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize