When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
