Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Fuck appropriateness.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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