and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
