and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
