Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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