I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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