So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
