Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
