i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She told me I should be a condom model.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
