no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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