sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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