I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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