Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
