i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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