Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
nut hugger
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
