It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
