it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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