Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
