; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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