YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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