Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Randomize
