I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize