you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
