We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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