you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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