my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
