I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
