Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
